


Happier

by IWriteSometimes (RandomFangirl3)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Heavy Angst, M/M, Song Lyrics, Songfic, iwaoi - Freeform, mentioned matsuhana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 06:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10075448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomFangirl3/pseuds/IWriteSometimes
Summary: Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you, but ain't nobody love you like I do.~Inspired by the song Happier by Ed Sheeran.~





	

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I do this to myself

* * *

_Walking down 29th and park, saw you in another's arms_. He was a foreigner, with sharp features and bright blond hair. Taller than you, like you'd always wanted. At the sight of your hand being held by another one as milky white as yours my heart skipped several beats, and suddenly my eyes were filled with tears. I ran into a random shop's bathroom to wash my face and hide from you.

 _Only a month we've been apart_ , but you look different, your feathery brown hair looks softer and fluffier, your cheeks look pink again and your limp seems to have gotten better. I felt the sudden urge to punch the mirror when a new thought settled into my brain. _You look happier_.

Frustration mixed with anguish blurred my vision and made it a hard task to leave the public bathroom, with just enough bad luck to spot you on the street again. _Saw you walk inside a bar_. Your sassy way of moving hadn't changed, and it still had an effect on me, I would have followed behind you blindly like a dog. But it was not my priviledge anymore.

 _He said something to make you laugh_. And as you threw your head back and touched his shoulder, I could perfectly hear your bubbly peals of laughter, ringing in my ears like a horrid nightmare, and feel your touch on my own body, like you used to do so carelessly, despite all my complaining. He stares at you with starstruck eyes and I don't blame him. I missed my chance to show you off like you deserve.

 _I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours_ , and I turn around, denying. But as I walked home rapidly, filled with anger and agony and longing, doing my best to not let tears betray me, my head shaked in negation and my heart knew the hurting truth. _Yeah, you look happier, you do._

 _Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you_.  
I speak to myself as I lock my bedroom door and let the bitter tears run down my cheeks. _But ain't nobody love you like I do._ He might be tall and funny and european, but he doesn't know you the way I do. He wasn't there when you scraped your knees and spoke about aliens until you feel asleep. He wasn't there to remember your worthless pride and build you up again, piece by piece. And he doesn't understand the little scared boy that hides behind those beautiful eyes and charming smile.

I'd like to think that it's on purpose, that you're trying to forget me as hard as I'm trying to forget you, but while I try to sleep at night, still holding onto your old jersey, I think that this is not about me. It's not because of me, you're trying to find happiness again, trying to trust again, like anyone would. _Promise that I will not take it personal baby, if you're moving on with someone new._

It hurts so bad knowing that you don't depend on me anymore. And I hate myself for ever thinking of you as a weight to carry. _Cause baby you look happier, you do._

 _My friends told me one day I'll feel it too_. A hand running through pink hair and a hesitant tone, scared eyes looking for comfort in taller brown orbes. A nod, a gentle smile. I can't help but feel like they pity me and I hate it. But I certainly hope that they're right. _And until then I'll smile to hide the truth._ I'll politely avoid all questions about you, sporting a well prepared fake smile, a constant reminder of you on its own. I try to convince myself that this is better for the both of us. _But I know I was happier with you_.

A few days later, _sat in the corner of the room_ , I looked around. It is all quiet, warm, familiar, mine. I was hoping I could find some comfort in the privacy I'm not used to having, but I was definitely wrong. _Everything's reminding me of you_. How you absentmindedly made the place your home through the years, I remember the exact way you watch the TV, all still like in a trance and jaw dropped when the topic is interesting enough. I can see you lying on my bed, sitting in the corner, touching everything, studying, sleeping, laughing, yelling, crying, falling apart and melting in pants and moans. And it feels all to big and empty. I miss you.

I'm crying again, _nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you're happier, aren't you?_ But sadness makes you selfish and I do not wish for your happiness anymore, I wish you could be the happiest with me and me only.

 _Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you._ I still remember vividly your tears, your shivering, your suffering, your untamed need to be bigger, stronger, better. And it stings the same way it did back then.

 _But anybody needs you like I do._ All that time it seemed like it was you who needed me, and I took for granted all your giggles and nicknames, but now I realize you don't know what you have until you lose it, and I would give out every bit of me just to hear you whisper my name once again.

 _I know that there's others that deserve you_. Others that could read right through you too, others that would know exactly how you like to be treated and to get you milk bread, to cheer you up during a bad hair day. But I like to think that I'm the only one with that power.

I had the nerve to think that I was over you. I had the nerve to smile and think this was for the better. I thought I didn't need you anymore. _But my darling I am still in love with you._

I'm vulnerable, I don't know how to handle this. _But I guess you look happier, you do_. I want to think that's a good thing, but as long as your fingers aren't interlaced with mine and I'm not the one who drags you out of practice, it can't be possibly something good.

 _My friends told me one day I'll feel it too_ , that day they were going on a date and insisted I joined in, and it all too quickly turned into a therapy session in the food court of a shopping mall. They tried to be understanding as they held hands and irradiated happiness. And their pity is killing me slowly.

 _I could try to smile to hide the truth_ , but you'd know that's not like me at all. I could try to erase you from my memory, but I would erase myself too. I could try to find happines in another person. _But I know I was happier with you._

 _Baby you look happier, you do._ You look stunning. And I miss you more than ever. And I will always remeber every detail of you, every inch of your body and every nook in your brain.

Through thick and thin, you'd said jockingly one day, as you held my hand and smiled brightly, and I made the mistake of believing. But deep inside I knew that I wasn't enough for you, that I wouldn't be able to keep up with your overwhelming ambitions and your glistening eyes full of yearning. I knew that I was temporarily useful. _I knew one day you'd fall for someone new._

 _But if he breaks your heart like lovers do,_ it has happened before. I know you well enough to perfectly picture you. You'll knock on my door and I'll refuse to open it, until you call for me in your broken voice and then I'll rush for the latch. You'll try to hide your puffy eyes and dry tears lingering on your cheeks, but I'll understand everything in the rythm of your heartbeat when I wrap my arms around you. You'll sob again, but for a short time, and I'll talk you through it while I pet your hair and wipe your tears away. I'll know that you're okay when you finally gift me with your true smile, that one that you reserved just for me, and I'll keep my eyes open when you kiss me, to see you and know that you're real and mine again. And the universe will be in peace at last. When it all goes back to how it used to be. When the pieces fit together in the puzzle again.

Maybe you won't come back to me. Maybe I already missed my chance without realizing, but if you ever feel the need to,

_Just know that I'll be waiting here for you._

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to you if you've made it this far! As soon as I heard the song I thought of this, and I just couldn't help myself. Hope you liked it, feel free to tell me what you think in the comments.


End file.
